How are you doing.. or feeling?
The speed and amount of response and availability are becoming increasingly important. We allow ourselves to live by the small checkmark icons which are popping up behind the messages we are sending. We get stressed out if we know that someone received our message but the person is not responding. We start to make stories in our heads about why aren’t they responding. With the consequences of stress levels getting higher and higher in our daily lives. If people are asking “How are you doing”… the well-known answer is “yes, it’s good-busy”.
Do you remember the time you needed to write a letter to your holiday friend because a long calling was too expensive? A magical symphony of words spreading over the paper to express your love and adventures of the last days… so real to let the reader relive it by themselves. When your masterpiece was finally ready (after all the hard trials) it was time to jump on your bike, driving like crazy to the post office… to surprise your friend with another wonderful experience on the paper. After you had posted the letter it was time to wait… and wait… and wait… because you had no idea when the letter was delivered… and if the letter arrived.
Yes, it was no problem… just waiting and hoping that your friend has received the letter and had taken the time to write an amazing adventure back to you. At that time it was not disturbing to wait, because you knew it was there. The letter needed a few days to arrive… the reader needed a few days to read… and the whole process of creating a magical symphony started again to create a new amazing adventure.
Do you remember that moment that you came out of school and noticed a letter in the mailbox with your name on it? Running to your room with a big smile on your face and jumping on your bed to enjoy this new amazing adventure.
It is so strange that this almost sounds like a fairytale, even though it is only a few years ago that this was the most normal thing in the world.
Why are we so focused on more, better and faster? And why if somebody asked the question “How are you doing”… why are we not expressing our feelings and how we are really doing? What happened to us, we have much more than before, we have more machines and robots which are doing our work. In this fast and tough society, it is even stressful to have your schedule in order for the day, week and month. It’s almost impossible to have some spontaneous time with your partner or a friend. I believe, that at this point stress already manifest in our heads before we have done something.
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Are we evolved as human or robot?
At the moment there are so many parts that we have to take into account within our daily planning; the distinction between private and business, between personal time and shared time with friends or family. It almost looks like that we are addicted to stress and just being busy with sh*t. We need to deal every day with all external stimuli all day long, which constantly disrupts our planning. All the incentives that we need to monitor and prioritize from all different mediums around us. Yes, humanity can be proud of itself, we have evolved so far… or perhaps it is better to put it as decreased.
We manage our lives which are now being influenced and guided for the most part by all external stimuli. All the different information flows that we need to manage and process on a daily basis, but luckily the lines of the information flows have become much shorter and more complex. The moment of waiting for the letter has completely disappeared, and if we do not have a reaction then almost immediately we start to get annoyed.
It’s funny that a couple of years ago I was focusing on making digital media more attractive, using psychology to attract people and let them stay longer on a website, influencing the thoughts and feelings of the different archetypes by showing exactly the things they are sensitive for. Using the amazing knowledge of the brain to influence people to get more and easier addicted to digital media. But today, I love to create more understanding around the fact that the digital media is playing with us to make us truly addicted.
Where is the real connection
Remember the time when your parents were young and agreed with each other to go to the movie the following week at 8 o’clock. There was no way to send each other an SMS, WhatsApp, Facebook, Telegram… no way to tell that you are too busy, that you have completely forgotten that lalalalala… In that time you made a commitment and everyone showed up.
Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.
Melody Beattie
Why do we allow ourselves to be ruled by systems and the robots in this world? Why do we allow ourselves to lose touch with our true human feelings and emotions? Why do we shift our needs towards material things instead of true connections?
I can share with you my personal experience how it went for me back in the days. I was just running like a lunatic from left to the right. Trying to get as many things done as possible. Working 80 hours workweeks to become bigger, better and making more money. Without knowing I was totally losing the connection with myself and the world around me. The problem was, there was no space for sensitivity in that masculine battle of other lunatics driven by their ego and need for more bigger and better. I wasn’t playing the game anymore, the crazy game was playing me. Having the need to be everywhere because of the fear of missing out.
Acting like a boss only in reality I was just living a lonely, destructive life by suppressing my feelings with drugs, alcohol, hard work and if the confrontation became too intense I would just make some jokes to laugh the feelings away. Better to keep it inside, act like a robot, buy some unnecessary stuff to enjoy the dopamine shots of consumption.
Do you agree that maybe NOW is the time to take a pause, a moment to reconnect with yourself so if somebody asks you “How are you doing?” you’re not answering the question based on your agenda but you will answer it based on your feelings.
Close your eyes and take three mindful breaths…
In and out…another deep breath…
Yesss… just feel it and allow the relaxation…
In and out… feel the change in your body…
And ask yourself the question… How do I really feel at the moment?
If you want to deepen your practice then I recommend you to read my other article What is your happiness score today?
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